Dreamed Up in His Heart

Dear Little One,

Something’s been weighing heavily on my mind today. I’m in the middle of a Bible study called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. We’re on the chapter entitled Binding Up the Broken-hearted and at first I thought this chapter wouldn’t apply to me. I’ve never been physically hurt by someone or betrayed by your father. I’ve never had my dreams dashed.

When she posed the question, “Can you remember the first time you felt your heart break?”, the answer that came to mind seemed silly and childish. But what I’ve come to realize during the course of this week is that moment in 5th grade when I felt my heart break is what has been coloring my perception of myself for the last 20 years.

It was nothing unusual, some pretty, mean girl a year older made fun of my hair. But ever since then, I’ve been self-conscious and afraid of being made fun of. Always trying to be something I’m not for fear of someone else’s disapproval.

Can you imagine? Living your life based on the opinion of a 6th grader? It sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?

I’ve heard the phrase “No regrets” as a sort of mantra for people. It’s a nice idea. You live your life, learn from your mistakes, but don’t regret them because they make you who you are. But I regret this. I regret letting someone’s opinion of me shape so much of my life. I regret not being sure enough of myself to let it go and move on. I regret that it’s taken me this long to realize it.

My prayer is that this won’t happen to you. You are so amazing. I look at you and see so much happiness and joy in your eyes. You have no care in the world what anyone thinks of you and I love that. Someone said to me recently, “Well, she’s only six.” and I thought, so what?! Isn’t that how we all should feel? Can you imagine if this is how we all felt?

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I pray that you will have confidence in yourself as a daughter of Christ, made in His image. Made for a purpose unique to you, so that you can live a full life, uninhibited by fear and insecurities. You are so good at seeing the uniqueness in others and I pray you can continue to see it in yourself.

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And I pray you know that you were formed by God’s hands, dreamed up in His heart, and placed in this world for a purpose.

I love you so much,

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9 thoughts on “Dreamed Up in His Heart

  1. Sarah what a beautiful post. I love pushing away the notion that our pain has to define us…and a great reminder in the power of words. I’m still stinging from a 5th grade teacher’s humiliation in front of the class.

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    1. Thanks, Karen. It’s so freeing when you finally realize those things don’t matter and remember you were made in the image of our Holy God. It’s been a great, but maybe a little disorganized, week for me. ☺

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  2. Isn’t it weird that as children, if we get made fun of we hold onto it forever. It’s not until you meet someone that builds you up in that area that that feeling starts to go away. The things that happen in your childhood shape you into who you are today. If negative things happened, it takes someone who loves you to break those negative feelings. I was made fun of as a child because of my name (Ludavia) and was called ugly from elementary through High School. It took my husband many years to break those insecurities. I sometimes revert to those feelings on down days, but I tell myself I have a husband who thinks I’m beautiful and tells me everyday. I love your prayer for your daughter. It’s so precious.

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  3. This is just one in a long string of words God has been placing in front of me lately talking about how the little girls we were are still driving so much of our current views of ourselves and our lives. It’s a wonderful thing to remember and deal with so you can, indeed, break free. (Love Beth Moore, too.) May both you and your daughter be blessed.

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  4. I loved Breaking Free. Such powerful words. And this… power in it as well. My son is in sixth grade now and I remember what a hard time that was. As he slams doors and stomps and doesn’t elaborate, I cringe inside because I remember.
    I was never bullied… but there are mean girls and there are mean boys and words hurt more than we ever let on.
    You’ve captured this… but you’ve also captured hope that we can move on. Hope that we can know who we are in Him.
    Blessings to you and your sweet girl. If only we could all have that childlike innocence… and perhaps, if we cling to Him, we can… because we are all Daddy’s little girls, and our Heavenly Father is crazy about us.

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