Dear Little One,
Something’s been weighing heavily on my mind today. I’m in the middle of a Bible study called Breaking Free by Beth Moore. We’re on the chapter entitled Binding Up the Broken-hearted and at first I thought this chapter wouldn’t apply to me. I’ve never been physically hurt by someone or betrayed by your father. I’ve never had my dreams dashed.
When she posed the question, “Can you remember the first time you felt your heart break?”, the answer that came to mind seemed silly and childish. But what I’ve come to realize during the course of this week is that moment in 5th grade when I felt my heart break is what has been coloring my perception of myself for the last 20 years.
It was nothing unusual, some pretty, mean girl a year older made fun of my hair. But ever since then, I’ve been self-conscious and afraid of being made fun of. Always trying to be something I’m not for fear of someone else’s disapproval.
Can you imagine? Living your life based on the opinion of a 6th grader? It sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn’t it?
I’ve heard the phrase “No regrets” as a sort of mantra for people. It’s a nice idea. You live your life, learn from your mistakes, but don’t regret them because they make you who you are. But I regret this. I regret letting someone’s opinion of me shape so much of my life. I regret not being sure enough of myself to let it go and move on. I regret that it’s taken me this long to realize it.
My prayer is that this won’t happen to you. You are so amazing. I look at you and see so much happiness and joy in your eyes. You have no care in the world what anyone thinks of you and I love that. Someone said to me recently, “Well, she’s only six.” and I thought, so what?! Isn’t that how we all should feel? Can you imagine if this is how we all felt?
I pray that you will have confidence in yourself as a daughter of Christ, made in His image. Made for a purpose unique to you, so that you can live a full life, uninhibited by fear and insecurities. You are so good at seeing the uniqueness in others and I pray you can continue to see it in yourself.
And I pray you know that you were formed by God’s hands, dreamed up in His heart, and placed in this world for a purpose.
I love you so much,