All the Facebook Statuses I Never Wrote

For the last week I’ve really been trying to break my Facebook addiction. If you know me well, you know that all it takes for me to become distracted and lose a day of my life is a new flashy game on my phone or the opportunity to know every detail of the lives of every person I’ve ever met. Wes says I’m nosy. He says it’s creepy that I like to look into people’s windows as I’m driving down the street. I say if you keep your curtains open at night with all your lights on you want people to look in your house. And if you put your life on the internet you want everyone to read about it!

So maybe I don’t want creepers like myself seeing every detail of my life. You don’t really need to know how many glasses of wine I drank today or the fact that all I had for lunch was 3 jumbo sized marshmallows. That’s my business. So I’m trying to cut down on the nonsense I post and in doing so I realized that my mind has trained itself to think in status update mode. Like the other day when I caught myself thinking these exact words: “OMG my kids are still sleeping at 10 am!” Seriously? OMG? Good Golly.

 So here are all the things I’ve wanted to say, but I’ve held back. Yes, I know I’m still putting it out there, but I gotta get it outta my head, man!

1. I just stepped on a booger. A giant, slimy, gooey, squishy booger.
2. Wes just came home without a fish. Again.
3. OMG my kids are still sleeping at 10 am!
4. Is there anything more embarrassing then making the news for blaming doctors for an 8 month erection because your penis implant didn’t work? I think not.
5. 3 weeks till my family comes to Alaska!
6. IIII LOOOOVVVVEEEE CCCAAANNNDDYYY CCCCRRRUUUSSSHHH!!!
7. Do they make a bug spray bath soap? I’d buy it.
8. Did a 2 mile hill workout on the treadmill. Crushed it!
9. The boys both took 2 hour naps while Grace cried about the gnat in her room. The boys are my favorites.
10. Put on a new shirt. Decided I need to get back to my healthy eating habits. Went downstairs and ate some chips. High Five!

Those are just a few of my spectacular thoughts this week. I can’t remember the rest. Probably because I’m used to documenting my every move so I don’t actually have to remember. Seriously. I won’t lie. I’ve consulted Facebook to find out many important events that I couldn’t actually remember.

In conclusion, you’ll be hearing a lot less from me. Also, you might consider closing your curtains a little more often.

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